Conan O'Brien: "It's President Obama's 48th birthday. ... The President has asked that in lieu of sending a gift, people just make a donation to his favorite charity, General Motors."
Jimmy Kimmel: "But Obama's birthday is a reminder of why healthcare is so important. As you probably know, due to a lack of healthcare coverage, Obama's mother was turned away from a number of hospitals and was ultimately forced to give birth in a manger."
Conan O'Brien: "Bill Clinton got the two journalists released" from North Korea. "This is fantastic news. And then afterwards, Clinton told the hostages, 'I, too, know what it's like to be held captive by an evil tyrant who wears ladies' sunglasses. I feel your pain.'"
Craig Ferguson: "It's a great day for our former President Bill Clinton. He went to North Korea and negotiated the release of two female journalists. He did it! Clinton agreed to go as soon as he found out the mission was picking up chicks."
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